I can understand your saying that you need to decide if you can live with realizing what he can give in the relationship that may very well not be in words. Eventually, your aspie will start to learn what is expected of him - and you in turn will learn how to read his expression and know that he loves you. Summing up I guess the main point of this post is that aspies can certainly give and receive love but that their expectations are often too high or too focussed to enable them to be properly receptive. See if it sparks his interest. I was very very bored.
He is now thinking he wanted to end things but then is starting to move some to say that as long as his family does not know then he can keep in some contact and we will see. He built an amazing bedroom set when he couldn't find one he liked, he built incredibly intricate crown molding for his home, he rebuilt cars from the ground up. This Aspie needs respect and commitment. Honestly I have read as much as I can without being overwhelmed and I think I am there anyways. Aspies can make great partners but they really do need to be taught how to be part of a partnership.
He got very defensive when I asked if he'd been in therapy. I need to hear 'I love you' from the man I love. If you think that you can focus on friendship or a professional relationship with this man then all the better. I have told him that I do not have tolerance for him dating anyone else. He is not an open person, many people have said that they find him difficult to get to know well.
Well he described one girl who was 18 and he was 42 and this is the feelings he had for her. You're both on the right track in assuming that it needs to develop from friendship but you need to decide what to do about the touchy-feely aspect. He has let me get closer to him than he has ever let anyone, and I feel that I should be honest. It's hard to get a handle on what it really means. Taboos A neurotypical wife reports the shock she got when the family was about to move to another house after twenty years at the same place. I somehow lost the hope its possible.
He doesn't even know whether he loves his own mother and sister. It is 100% absolutely possible for an aspie to find love. Is he trying to distance himself from me? And more importantly it validates them. Hey anonymous, Glad that you and your partner are working things out. I can relate to this so strongly that I could do a whole series of posts on this but it would cause too much offence to my in-laws.
Sadly, we receive little useful education about how to make love work or how to make love last, or just how to make love. It's interesting that he has married a small, quietly spoken woman for whom English is a second language. I would like to answer this as the partner of an aspie male if I may. If you need reassurance in words or actions tell your partner so they know because otherwise they won't. I think they will help immensely. Don't trash a healthy relationship or friendship when it's doing you both good. I think sometimes even explaining it will go through one ear and out the other? My heart and kind thoughts go out to you.
This can be addressed by discussing the chores in question and sharing them as evenly as possible. I'll be lost in my own thoughts and totally ignore him, and suddenly he might say something, or hug me, and I'm startled because I wasn't expecting a change. These lists are nothing but a job description for a sex-worker. It was news to me! He said that even if he said that he is happy with me that she will not believe him. Thank you again Gavin for some insightful words.
We fell deeply in love. I don't quite get it. Most of us do not deal well with abstracts, we rely on absolutes instead. We were having a great time until I got emotional and wanted him to express more. Her response to my problem was that he doesn't like me. Now he is saying well we can but anything that happens in the house stays there and that he has no relationship with me outside of these walls.